Part one

What have you to say?

I have too much,
That makes so little.

What are you asking?

To be thought.

Thought of what?

Thought of many.
Many who wonder,
Who see beyond what’s to be seen.
Who feel depths that can’t be reached,
By even the most glorious Beings.
To be answered and believed.

What do you believe?

What do I believe?

I believe that time has reached its peak,
We stand with nothing beneath our feet,
With No destiny to seek.

What’s your destiny?

My destiny is bleak
No words can complete
When Time plays defeat
It sits beside me… Alone
Where we play with the sheep,
We are forbidden to leave.

Who forbid you to leave?

The one who I can’t speak

For one will be Unforgiving with grief, rath will run deep Tearing through all peace.

I cry for thee
For Peace is not for she. For nothing and all runs deep, Bleeding where no other can see. A lost soul for eternity.

Why is she unworthy of peace?
For women don’t speak

My idolatry goes unseen
For I’m not like most beings
I’m shamed when playing scenes

What can you say to a man
Being a woman
In a society when women
Are objects, titles, and subjects
Subjects to be obedient
When subjects can’t bleed
How can it be
That she could walk with thee
A Cherishable Being
Who carries her own dignity.

The city where the queendom
Was taking by kings

Fair Verona let me be
For I am the city full of grief
Unleashed my beast
For you to suffer with me

I love you

They may know your strengths
But I know why
Why you built your walls
And buried your thoughts inside

He may hold your hand
But I hold your soul
Piecing your heart together
Painting it in gold

Embracing all your secrets
Encouraged your thorns to grow
Dancing with your demons
Your pain I swallow whole

Watching you grow old
You stand not alone 
For I am here with you
Even though you may not know

I stand with you in thoughts
Unbounded your words from knots
I talked you through a lot
Given all the love I’ve got

I sit and stare at you
You unknowingly stare back too
Sitting behind painted glass
You’re asking why things don’t last

Brushing your hair back
Gazing in your eyes
I see your tears fall
Creating more emotion in my eyes

I wipe your sorrows dry
Telling you please don’t cry
For I am always here
To coax you through these times

These times we’ll never know
But it’s These times that we grow
Learning from our past
Growing up from our ash

My love for you will last
If you just give this a chance
Mandy just take my hand
And we will walk to the promise lands

Dear dairy

When you told me you were leaving,
I couldn’t bring myself to believe.
I wanted to tell you,
you meant everything to me
I sat in silence, scared of what life would be
What it would mean if you weren’t here with me.

I looked at you knowing you would be set free
But I still wanted you to suffer here with me
I know it’s selfish and heartless to be, but you were the dearest friend to me


I’d love to be a tree with roots so deep
I’m sure that’s where I’m meant to be

A flower with a scent so sweet
And irresistible to all who see’s

To be the sea so full of life
So I’m always happy

The clouds so angelic and pure
Watching upon all crying tears

The wind so powerfully dangerous
Forcing all to listen until it’s clear

To shake making the earthquake
Putting everything into its rifle place

The ever-changing sea playing scenes
defining the shape of the shore to be

Unrecognizable paths never knowing
Where it may lead

With all the feelings of these
Would I crave the feeling of empty?


A short ukulele song I wrote a while back… young I suppose, but I got the idea from Billie Eilish, song 8

you left me blue
I’m such a fool
You’re so dame cruel

You were never true
You saw right through
All that I do

And now time has slipped away
But I feel OK,

I’ve come to say
You’ve paved the way
For us to break

And hey,
who was to say
The great don’t fade
Or are replaced

And now I can walk away
From this shameless game
What’s left to say?

I almost left
Without What’s mine
In chalk outlines

My pice of mind
I gave sublime
This heart of mine

Don’t cry cuz lies fall from fate
Our minds will bind
From such treacherous ways,
Such treacherous ways,
It will be OK

To my untouched love

I buried you deep
deep down inside of me
Scared of what you’ll be
What it would make me

I douse you in flowers daily
The grave that I have made me
Knowing you’ll never save me
I sit alone in the shadows of slavery

But who could blame me
The world of hate won’t change me
I write with the pen of bravery
Yet I’m still seen as unsavory

I suffer among the lost
With feelings that nobody wants
I’m deemed a woman to rot
A woman to be Forgot

I watch as my life expands
With nobody to hold my hand
Given all that I possibly can
Falling beneath a reason to stand

Now my days are written in sand
Watching the sea wash away my plans
Your lovin’ slipping through my hands
Now I walk alone once again

Mindless minds

Lines of mindless walking dead’s
Only sour remnants left
Minds gone blind
These encroaching times
Walk fragile lines
Through fields of mines

Lost In the sky through space and time
Only living life to feel your multi high
But when you’re eyes bleed wide
And the lies untie
All’s been said
They’ll have you’re head

Minds where sold
These evil lies you told
Ancient binds been broke
From once Civil soles
Now the times grow cold
And the wise unfold
To a war so old
Who’s really in control

Cuz lust feeds your greed
Your mind cannot be pleased
Your tongue only a tease
To Spit the lies you seed
And if we all retreat
And let this war defeat
Our grief is sure to lead
To this world’s cupidity

No malice for your hunger
I’ll only leave you wonder
In such a fuckin blunder
I’ll stand my square outnumbered
Your time is up, been altered
I come to fight, to conqueror
To rise from what’s been slaughtered
To save our sons and daughters

Bride kidnapping

They grabbed me today
What to Tarnish my name
Take me as a slave
Filled with threats to behave

Now I stand all alone
Seems this life’s not my own
With no feelings of home
Only seen as a stone thrown

As the sounds just replay
Said my characters to blame
For my fate is my fault
At least that’s what I been taught

With his hands around my neck
Spiting venom in my chest
As the knife cuts my flesh
With no feelings of regret

Now, Bleeding unto scenes
Just an uncherished being
I drink till I’m clean
Till these feelings run free

As my memories all fade
So my family’s not shamed
I take the brunt of his rage
As I dig my own grave

His lies in my mind
Make rhythms In time
So I don’t deny
This is the place for my kind

Now our children are grown
As my sons bring one home
I tell her to stay
Because it’s the Kyrgyz way

it’s a little off but I’ll be working on it soon. Rather hard to describe such tragedies.

I read an article that took a piece of my heart, I thought I would share the thoughts of others.

Paintings of my memories

Staring at her picture
painting her in my mind
Her life tragically stolen
Here for just a little time

Never thinking for a moment
I’d lose the love of my life
How time is just so fragile
How life is so unkind

Painting her perfect smile
On her first day of school
How she would have been Cherished
Always kind to all she knew

Never driving for the first time
Never seeing her sweet sixteenth
How people have forgotten
What my young girl Never seen

Painting her on graduation day
Smiling on stage
How she could have been a doctor
Saving lives from early Graves

Dressing her for her wedding
Giving my daughter away
Hearing those special words
I have a baby on the way

Although the world keeps turning
I will never forget that day
When my sweet little flower
Was walked through heavens gates

As I will always remember
The beauty in her eyes
The young soul that’s taught me
so much about life

My heart goes out to all the families who’s lost a child, to everyone who’s lost anyone. You’re in my prayers.


Pictiúir de mo chuimhní cinn

Ag stánadh ar a pictiúr
ag péinteáil í i m’intinn
Goideadh a saol go tragóideach
Seo ar feadh beagán ama

Ná bí ag smaoineamh ar feadh nóiméid
Chaillfinn grá mo shaol
Cén chaoi a bhfuil an t-am chomh leochaileach
An chaoi a bhfuil an saol chomh neamhghaolmhar

Péinteáil a aoibh gháire foirfe
Ar a céad lá ar scoil
Conas a bheadh meas uirthi
I gcónaí cineálta le gach a raibh ar eolas aici

Ná bí ag tiomáint den chéad uair riamh
Ní fhaca sí a séú haois déag riamh
Mar a rinne daoine dearmad
Rud nach bhfaca mo chailín óg riamh

Péinteáil í ar lá na céime
Ag miongháire ar an stáitse
Conas a d’fhéadfadh sí a bheith ina dochtúir
Ag sábháil beatha ó Uaigheanna luatha

Gléasadh di le haghaidh a bainise
Ag tabhairt m’iníon ar shiúl
Na focail speisialta sin a chloisteáil
Tá leanbh agam ar an mbealach

Cé go gcoinníonn an domhan ag casadh
Ní dhéanfaidh mé dearmad go deo ar an lá sin
Nuair a bheidh mo bhláth beag milis
Siúil trí gheataí na bhflaitheas

Mar beidh cuimhne agam i gcónaí
An áilleacht ina súile
An t-anam óg a mhúintear dom
an oiread sin faoin saol

Téann mo chroí amach do na teaghlaigh go léir a chaill leanbh, do gach duine a chaill duine ar bith. Tá tú i mo ghuí.


Peintures de mes souvenirs

Regardant sa photo
la peindre dans mon esprit
Sa vie tragiquement volée
Ici pour un peu de temps

Ne jamais penser un instant
Je perdrais l’amour de ma vie
Comme le temps est si fragile
Comment la vie est si méchante

Peindre son sourire parfait
Lors de son premier jour d’école
Comment elle aurait été chérie
Toujours gentil avec tout ce qu’elle savait

Ne jamais conduire pour la première fois
Ne jamais voir son doux seizième
Comment les gens ont oublié
Ce que ma jeune fille n’a jamais vu

La peindre le jour de la remise des diplômes
Sourire sur scène
Comment elle aurait pu être médecin
Sauver des vies des premières tombes

L’habiller pour son mariage
Donner ma fille
Entendre ces mots spéciaux
j’ai un bébé en route

Bien que le monde continue de tourner
je n’oublierai jamais cette journée
Quand ma douce petite fleur
A traversé les portes du ciel

Comme je me souviendrai toujours
La beauté dans ses yeux
La jeune âme qui m’a appris
tellement sur la vie

Mon cœur va à toutes les familles qui ont perdu un enfant, à tous ceux qui ont perdu quelqu’un. Vous êtes dans mes prières.


Green eyes watered down
Chasing freckles around her frown
Dizzy spells bring her down
Too uncertain to smile now

Doctors say don’t worry child
You’ll be right in just a while
Still not sleeping, hearts gone wild
In her throat, it tastes so sour

Hands trembling, Loss of thoughts
Hiding out, too scared to talk
Told shes faking, can barely walk
Just hysteria, just teenage squawk

Frighting fears Drown her out
Hard to breathe, full of doubt
Scary thoughts spreading now
Contemplating what life’s about

Joints are swelling burning pain
Pins and needles run like veins
Statistics lost For personal gain
Suicide disease has earned its name


Watered súile glas síos
Chasing freckles timpeall a frown
Tugann geasa meadhrán anuas í
Ró-éiginnte le gáire anois

Deir dochtúirí ná bíodh imní ort ar leanbh
Beidh tú ceart i gceann tamaill bhig
Fós gan codladh, chuaigh croíthe fiáin
Ina scornach, bíonn blas chomh géar air

Lámha ag crith, Cailliúint smaointe
Ag dul i bhfolach, ró-eagla ort labhairt
Dúradh shes faking, ar éigean is féidir siúl
Díreach hysteria, díreach squawk déagóirí

Tá eagla ar an eagla go dtitfidh sí amach í
Deacair análú, lán d’amhras
Smaointe scanrúil ag scaipeadh anois
Ag smaoineamh ar a bhfuil i ndán don saol

Tá siúntaí ag at pian a dhó
Ritheann bioráin agus snáthaidí cosúil le féitheacha
Staitisticí caillte Chun gnóthachan pearsanta
Tá a ainm tuillte ag galar féinmharaithe


Yeux verts dilués
Chasser les taches de rousseur autour de son froncement de sourcils
Les étourdissements la font tomber
Trop incertain pour sourire maintenant

Les médecins disent de ne pas s’inquiéter enfant
Tu auras raison dans peu de temps
Je ne dors toujours pas, les cœurs se déchaînent
Dans sa gorge, ça a un goût si aigre

Mains tremblantes, Perte de pensées
Caché, trop effrayé pour parler
Elle a dit qu’elle faisait semblant, qu’elle pouvait à peine marcher
Juste de l’hystérie, juste un cri d’adolescent

Des peurs effrayantes la noient
Difficile de respirer, plein de doute
Des pensées effrayantes se répandent maintenant
Contempler ce qu’est la vie

Les articulations gonflent douleur brûlante
Les épingles et les aiguilles coulent comme des veines
Statistiques perdues Pour un gain personnel
La maladie du suicide a gagné son nom